SHAKE WELL BEFORE USE
by swallowing you agree that you will check the chart in 4 seconds
The world's first capsule that treats absolutely nothing and makes your screen time worse. $PUMPFONE was prescribed to a guy in 2021. He never put the phone down. He is the coin.
NOT MINTED YET
0% tax · LP burned · contract renounced · 1,000,000,000 capsules
PUMPFONE is a hard capsule, half white / half mint, containing one (1) very online individual. It belongs to a group of medicines called "things that should not have been made".
It is used to treat: nothing. It is used to cause: refreshing the chart, telling your friends "it's still early", and sitting on the floor at 4am with 3% battery.
Do not take PUMPFONE if you:
Tell your doctor you're fine. You're fine.
The active molecule binds directly to the thumb. Within 4 minutes the patient opens an app. Within 6 minutes the patient opens the same app again to make sure it still exists.
Clinical note: in a study of 1 patient, 100% of patients became the capsule.
In case of overdose, the patient may begin explaining tokenomics to a family member at a birthday party.
There is no antidote. There is only the chart.
Each 500mg capsule contains:
Excipients: 0.0001mg of due diligence, colours, and whatever was on the floor.
One pack. Twelve doses. Pop them all to unlock the last one.
(each capsule contains one entry from the patient's dose diary)
Very common (may affect more than 1 in 1 people):
Involuntary jaw movement while a candle is forming.
Phone at 4%. You are 200 metres from a charger. You choose the chart.
Measured blink rate: 0 per hour. Doctors are calling it "focus".
You said "supply" out loud during a wedding speech.
You now sleep in 20-minute sessions between candle closes.
Rare, irreversible, honestly kind of an upgrade.
Live readout from the monitor taped to the capsule.
Price data pulled live from the public DexScreener API once a contract address is set. Joke stats are jokes. Everything here can go to zero.
Phantom, or whatever wallet your chart app already lives next to. Write the seed phrase on paper. Never type it anywhere — not even for a very polite website.
An amount you'd be genuinely fine setting on fire. This is a capsule with legs, not a pension.
Paste the contract address from the top of this page. Check it character by character, like a pharmacist. Fakes exist.
Then check the chart. Then check it again. Then send this site to someone who has never touched grass.
No. It is a picture of a capsule holding a phone. Do not swallow the website.
No. No affiliation, endorsement or partnership with any pharmaceutical company, pharmacy, health authority, or anyone who owns a lab coat. It's a meme coin about screen time.
He took himself. Nobody warned him about the side effects, because he was the side effect.
There is none, and we're not going to invent one on slide 14. The utility is that you look at it and go "lol" and then you check the chart. That's the whole loop.
Nobody knows, and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you. This is not investment advice and there are no guarantees of anything, ever.
The token isn't live yet. Buy / chart / socials turn on the moment the contract exists — the site is already wired to them.